I used to look forward to the months of March every year because the 10th of March marked my birth. As a teenager, I used to count the years until the day I would turn 21 because on that year I would be considered to be an adult. I made sure never to do anything naughty, like becoming sexually active and even worse falling pregnant and becoming a teenage mom. This made my mom very proud and because of my good behaviour; she pledged that she would throw me a big party on my 21st birthday. Having a party on your 21st is a very big deal in my neighbourhood, Tintswalo Village, South Africa. It’s like the key to your adulthood, and it meant I would soon get it.
But on the 06 March 2005 things soon changed for the worst. ?My party dream became a might mare. The woman who carried me in her womb for nine months and loved me like nothing on earth passed away, four days before I turned 20. Life became challenging without her. I didn’t give birth and yet I found myself having three mouths to feed. I had no choice but to take over from where mom had left off and became a mother to my three younger siblings. I was expected to offer them love, but yet no one was giving any to me. I couldn’t sleep at night, I cried most of time because this was too much for me to handle. This was not the birthday present I was expecting at all. I felt like dying myself. I wanted to be with her again.
Although this year marks the 4th year since my mom’s passing, it still hurts has if she just died five minutes ago. From that day on I started to hate my birthdays. So when my birthday came in this month, all I could think about was my mom, and how much I miss her unconditional love, smiles and guidance. She was a brave lady to raise all four of us by herself. I wondered if my life would ever be normal again without her in the picture. I mean, every time I see mothers and their daughters I get jealous of what they have. I try so hard to carry on with living, but I am hurting so much that no one notices it or care. I so badly wished her death were a nightmare that I would soon wake up from and found her sleeping in her bed like an angel. I also wondered what we have done wrong to be punished like this, to be left without a care in the world. I asked myself if we have done something to deserve this pain that has been inflicted in our hearts. I began to think that maybe God hates us or else he wouldn’t have taken our mother at a time when we needed her most. A child shouldn’t be left without a mother. This is what I go though every year on my birthdays. Instead of celebrating?my birth on the 10th of March, I moaned the death of my mom all over again.