A magazine for Africans and friends of Africa...Our Voices, Our Vision, Our Culture

Is Pregnancy An Excuse For Cheating?
By Ginger
My girlfriend said “Nigerian women spend so much of their time teaching women what to do and not to do but no one ever teaches the men anything.”
I agree.
Most men don’t know jack about pregnancy. About their role in pregnancy. After pregnancy. The physiology of pregnancy. The physical drain it is on women. And most women rather than educate their husband, they think there is an award in heaven for being the most long suffering pregnant woman.
That is why we have wives birth and their husbands don’t ever help them carry the baby. Bathe the baby. Change its diapers.
It is women’s work after all.
Most men don’t know their wife’s expected due date. They don’t make plans around it. Make sure they are around. Or have a back-up plan to see she gets to hospital safely.
They don’t understand/appreciate the massive body changes the woman is going through to accommodate another growing being. How much support she needs personally and with household chores etc.
The part I hate the most is the fatigue. Believe it or not the nausea can be managed with crackers, preggie pops and constant nibbling but I don’t think there is a cure for taking a nap while taking a shower. I mean, standing for 10 minutes tuckers me out. And Turtle tried to take a picture of me while I was discreetly trying to get on a WalMart scooter to do my shopping. I constantly feel like I just completed a marathon. My OB’s explanation was easy. Apparently the one’s blood volume doubles in the first trimester, so that means your heart is working twice as hard to circulate all that blood while remaining the same size.
That’s Lucid Lilith blogging about her pregnancy. Imagine going through that and your husband still expects fresh okro soup everyday??
Many men are unprepared for the physical change a woman undergoes during pregnancy. The puffy face/eyes, spitting, nausea, vomiting, bulging tummy, paw-paw like breasts. You think you know cause you have seen other pregnant women – colleagues, sisters, your mother.
Wait till it is your size 10 wife now looking like a shapeless whale then you will feel different.
The key, methinks, is preparation.
Women, as you read up about pregnancy, share the knowledge you discover with your husband. Let him expect those changes with you. Share the baby kicking with him. And men, try to research by yourself too. It doesn’t hurt. You made the baby together. Be part of it. Don’t just be a Baby Dada.
On the other hand..Ladies. Sigh
My girlfriend told me about a lady from church who revealed during a baby shower for another lady that her husband only found out she was pregnant when she started refusing him sex.
*jaw drops*
First, you are pregnant and you didn’t tell your partner in deed.
Second you were refusing him sex cause you were pregnant?
Hold your horses people....there is a difference between refusing sex cause you are not up to it but in this case…she confessed she did not know it was okay to have sex when you are pregnant. Note this lady has had 3 kids.
Church women will not kill me!!
Back to men…
Your wife’s pregnancy/tired/lack of interest in sex is no excuse for cheating.
I think that is the worst betrayal for any African woman. A woman who has been largely trained to believe that her value lies in being a good wife and mother. Then you call her bluff at the time of her greatest validation. The time you the man should be worshipping at her feet (okay, that was tongue in cheek but you get what I mean)..
Excuses vary from “She‘s no longer interested in sex” (possible husband of above church woman), to “I don’t find her sexy/attractive with her protruding stomach in the way” (I encountered that comment recently on Mena’s blog and I can’t explain how sad that made me), to “Her vagina is not as tight as before” (even erections soften with age. So???), to those BS excuses I say, you either don’t love your wife enough, are not educated enough or don’t care enough or you are just a plain philanderer.
There will always be an excuse for you.
If tight vagina was so important to you then you should opt for no child at all.
Moreover loss in elasticity of the vagina is not a given. It differs with genetics, age, number of children. But even at that. The vagina has muscles. Like all muscles it responds to exercises like Kegel exercises and use of vaginal cones. You don’t turn your back on your wife for something she has no control over. This is just vagina o!! What if she has a serious disease?
Let’s reverse the circumstances..if you had erectile dysfunction which happens to 52% of men at some point between 40-70 years, pray, can she go find a man to satisfy her need asides you?
Did I hear a 'no'? Glad you think so.
Women talk to your brothers, your male cousins, your friends, your husbands. Pregnancy is not for the women’s club only. Save a future marriage.
A version of this article was originally posted on the author's blog.