I have a real issue with friends dating exes. To be more clear, I have an issue with my friends dating my exes. Now, I’ve never had a friend hook up with someone I’ve dated in the past, but once, I actually had an ex attempt to pawn me off on his best friend. What the heck is that about?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m well aware that the rightness or wrongness of this sort of thing depends on who is initiating the hook-up. I suppose it would have been okay in the situation above since my ex was the one that decided to do the pawning, and so it was clearly all right with him if his friend and I got together. But if his friend had taken it upon himself to go behind my ex’s back and attempt to date me, that, of course, would be wrong.
For the record, I was not the least bit interested in going out with this friend.
Exes Are Off-Limits
Some people are way cooler about this than I, but I would be absolutely livid if one of my friends even asked if it was okay for her to date an ex of mine. I mean… am I being selfish here? He is, in fact, my ex. Why can’t she date her own ex or somebody else’s ex? Why mine? It wouldn’t matter to me if I was über-chummy with him or if I hated his guts. All exes are off limits, period!
Put yourself in my shoes, and imagine having to hear about how he sends lilies and orchids to her workplace every week when he never sent flowers to you a day in your life. And imagine hearing the stories about (gasp!) their sex life! You already know how great or awful he is in bed–no, thanks!
Be a True Friend
Some would argue that anyone who shares my sentiments must retain some feelings for their exes. That’s not necessarily true, but it’s always a possibility. Let’s be honest here: this is someone you cared a lot about, at least at some point. You shared something serious with this person. Breaking up is hard to do. Of course he’s going to date other people as time elapses, but does it really have to be someone so close to you? Talk about adding fuel to the fire.
I suppose it makes for good TV, but in real life, that’s a violation of the code. And as upstanding women, we cannot, under any circumstances, break “The Code of True Girlfriendship”:
1. Be trustworthy.
Keep your mouth closed about all her secrets.
2. Be 100% honest.
…even when she looks fat and when she’s being a bitch.
3. Be loyal.
Don’t sleep with her boyfriend or husband, and don’t date any of her exes.